Nanook


Nanook was a very special girl to me from the moment I held her in my arms that first time. To be honest I'm not sure what exactly made her so special. Perhaps it was the fact that she looked like a tiny polar bear in the palm of my hand, which reminded me of a MMORPG character companion called "Toddler" that I had played with my husband and came to love a few years prior. Or perhaps it was simply the way she seem to just nuzzle into me like we were meant to be.

So special that when my youngest son Sephiroth came to me and begged me to let him have her as his very own. I didn't feel that there was any other way to express my love both for him and for her than to couple them together....

...I had envisioned them playing together in the back yard and growing up through the years, catching toads and playing in the mud. But little did I know both Sephiroth and Nanook had other plans.

At first all went well, she was your usual little pup that terrorized everything and everyone that she could. And of course my little Sephy loved that about her. He would laugh and giggle and she would wag her little tail and do it some more. But of course I couldn't let this go on forever. 

At about 9 months I began training basic obedience which would change her personality for good. Rather it was the interaction with me or her maturing she decided she was suddenly a prissy princess like her mother that no longer wanted to run through the house chasing after toys, she didn't want to romp in the mud or hunt for toads in the back yard. No, not Nanook... Instead she wanted to be brushed for hours, have her nails groomed and snuggle on the couch in the prettiest dogie dress. 

Soon Seph would run outside to play all alone leaving Nanook behind. You could tell she missed him by the way that she would give in sometime and follow behind him as she use to do as a younger pup. But she would just stop short and stand there watching as if to say "ew". Seph would turn to look at her as she would wag her tail ever so slightly. For him to wrinkle his nose and shake his head in disappointment. 

We talked about this issue and tried to compromise by buying her pink camo toys, collars, leashes and clothes. But you could tell Seph still felt uncomfortable sporting a pink dog beside him. And poor little Nanook decked out in her pink camo gear still refused to romp in the mud, hunt for toads or play ball.

I suggested to Seph that if he did some of the things she wanted to do also that perhaps she would be more willing to do the things he wanted her to do as well. 

So Seph would snuggle on the couch with her and bush her but when it came time to put her cute little dress on her he would say "This is stupid mama" and walk away. Leaving poor little Nanook dancing around in circles at my feet begging for me to make her pretty.

Finally it was getting close to Seph's birthday and I of course asked him what he wanted and he looked down ashamed and said. "I want a dog."
"You have a dog, her name is Nanook." I replied. "I know." he said keeping his head low. 

I didn't push the subject at the time. Honestly I was a bit disgusted with the normal kid attitude of wanting a pet until it got old or hard and then wanting a new pet. I had tried to raise my kids to be different...but then again I guess all parents try to raise their kids to be different than the "norm".

A couple of days had passed and Seph had mustered up the courage to come to me again with "Mommy I really, really want a dog for my birthday." Still disgusted we had five shibas! Even if Nanook was of no interest to him any longer there was still four others that he could play with any time he wanted to. And not to mention the fact that I was over ran with responsibility of not only tending to my human family and home but also all five shibas. I could certainly use any help I could get. "No, I am not getting you another dog. You promised to love Nanook and you will honor that promise." I told him. Of course it broke his heart, my boys have always been tender. The tears began to swell and I expected it. I had told him "no" after all. It's just his ploy to get his way. But I was not about to fall for his game. "Go cuddle your dog and show her some love." I told him. He turned away to do as I said, but then he stopped and threw his shoulders back boldly and said "I love her but she's not mine and she not a dog!"  What?! I am not ashamed to admit that even I wanted to smack his little mouth for talking to me like that. Who did he think he was? But it hit me, this was deeper than what I realized... 

..I took a deep breath and sat him down. "What do you mean she's not a dog?" But he sat there quite knowing speaking to me in that tone was forbidden. Wondering just how much trouble he had got himself into. So I pulled him into my lap and gave him a big hug to reassure him that I really was interested in how he felt. Then he looked up at me and said. " I know she's a dog, but she don't act like a dog. She wants to be pretty and that's just not cool." It was then I realized that Nanook needed someone that was going to appreciate her for her. As much as I wanted to take her back for myself. I didn't have the time to give Nanook the one on one attention that she deserved or longed for. She was a companion dog. The kind that wants nothing more than to be in your lap, by your side and in your bed. To be honest I didn't deserve her any more than he did. And yet I understood what it was he was asking for. All five of the shiba's were guilty of being your typical shiba inu and bolted the moment you let your guard down. Seph was too young for that. He was just a boy that wanted to be free... Just as the shiba's wanted to be free.

Reluctantly I agreed that I would find Nanook another family to love her and spoil her and allow her to be the little princess that her heart craved. Though I've never believed in putting a living thing up for sale. But especially my babies... I bottle fed them just as I did my children. Sat with them, loved them, trained them... worried over them. How could I ever put a price tag on any of that? I couldn't...

...At the same time, I couldn't just give her away. So many reasons why it was just so wrong.
That was the whole reason we decided it was best if we kept them all in the first place. We couldn't put a price tag on our children... And to just "give" them away was not an option either.

It was then that I realized what I had done and yet I hadn't fully realized it at all until now.
She was not my child, and yet apart of me tried so hard to fill the empty gap within my heart where my little girl should be with my little Nanook. And subconsciously I must of realized how wrong in itself that was and I pushed her away. I pushed so hard that when someone came to me giving me a sob story of how their little girl was disabled and wanted a small dog to dress up, cuddle, love, and adore. I blindly jumped at the opportunity to let her go and traded Nanook, for our Great Pyrenees who was supposed to have filled Sephiroth's desires as well.



Although I presented a puppy contract that stated if they couldn't or didn't want to keep Nanook any more that they would return her to us. And it stated that she had to be spayed within 30 days. In the end that contract was useless. I failed to see all warning signs and in that I may have failed Nanook. 
The woman I agreed to trade with had her teenage son meet me for the trade which in turn meant that I would have to settle with allowing him to sign the contract. At the time I felt comfortable with her. We had talked a few a times on the phone for long periods of time sharing some what private stories building what I felt was a relationship. We had agreed to meet up later on a more convenient time and I thought I could just get her to sign the contract then. No big deal. But boy did she play me. 

Her son and his friend took my little Nanook away leaving us with our Great Pyrenees Teddy Bear. 
But almost immediately the nightmare began.. He was sick. He was sick everywhere.  I called her and complained and she reassured me that he was just nervous and was having anxiety issues and said it would get better in a couple of days.

By the next day I knew it was not anxiety. This dog had worms and he had it bad. I had given her a full blooded perfect shiba inu and she gave me a very sick dog that had has no proof of his pedigree. I called her up to inform her of the situation and tell her I wanted Nanook back. That was my intention anyway. I felt betrayed on a couple of accounts. But before I could get a word in she had already laid into me about how her little girl loved Nanook so dearly and that they were so happy together. I should have said I wanted to see it for myself but she had made me feel like such an ass by that time that all I told her was. Teddy needs a vet, and Nanook needs to be spayed. I'll pay for Nanook to be spayed but you have to get Teddy to a vet before he makes the rest of my Shiba's sick. She agreed to meet me the next day but she never showed up, I got a phone call from her son saying she broke her leg and that when she got out of the ER she would call me. But that was the last I ever heard or saw of them. Their phones were disconnected and they had apparently given me the wrong address.

Fooled once again... Why must I be so trusting? At one point I use to tell myself at least I was able to rescue Teddy Bear, sure it was a life for a life. But at least it's something. But now, even though I love Teddy bear dearly it's not enough, not for me, not for him and not for Nanook.





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